Get A Grip

Dear Mackenzie,

You are one month old today! The first month with a newborn is always the hardest for me--I don't get much sleep, I'm still achy from giving birth, I don't get much sleep, I'm worried about producing enough breast milk and did I mention that I don't get much sleep? I have only been sleeping for 3-4 hours every night and am really surprised that I've still been able to function as much as I have!

This first month with you has also been a little more difficult because you are fussier than JieJie and Second GuhGaw, who were pretty easygoing and could hang out in their crib or rocker for awhile without making a peep. You are more like Big GuhGaw in that you cry a lot and you don't like to be left alone. You also want to nurse practically non-stop. So yeah, it's been so exhausting but as crazy as it sounds, I am really enjoying the baby phase again! You are so tiny and sweet and when you are asleep on my chest and I am breathing in your wonderful baby smell, there is nowhere else I'd rather be.

Here are some things about you at one month old:

- You like to be held upright and tend to fuss if I hold you in a more horizontal position.

- You don't like to sleep in a horizontal position, either, and won't sleep in the bassinet. If I put you in it after you have fallen asleep in my arms, you wake up crying within a few minutes. But your rocker puts you in a more upright position and you do love taking longer naps in it, so thank goodness for that!

- You sleep with your mouth open, which is so cute.

- You stare at me a lot.

- You have started cooing.

- You snort like a pig sometimes, which is fitting, because you were born in the Chinese year of the pig.

- You have really forceful poops. They are quite loud and if my hand is right on your butt, the vibration is pretty strong. At least I always know when I have to change your diaper!

- Your tear ducts have developed and the tiniest teardrops now appear in the corner of your eyes when you cry.

- You have poor circulation in your hands and feet (like me), so they always feel cold.

- Speaking of cold hands, you HATE mine and will often scream when I touch you with them during outfit or diaper changes. Sometimes, you scream as if I'm cutting you and not just holding your arm while I guide it into a sleeve. I mean, my hands aren't that cold, are they?

- You have a very strong grip. You also keep your fists tightly clenched with your fingers over your thumbs. It's actually quite difficult for me to pry your hands open when I'm trying to wash your hands during bath time.

- You also like to bend your arms and keep your clenched fists near your chest. As Second GuhGaw pointed out, you look as if you are going to punch someone. My tough girl!

Love,
Mom

Two-Week Update

Dear Mackenzie,

You have already been in this world for two weeks and two days and I'm not tired at all! (One part of that previous sentence is true and one part is false. Can you figure out which is which?)

Trying to meet the needs of a newborn plus her three older siblings is no joke. Weekday mornings, for example, were already crazy with three kids but now they are even more chaotic when I have to simultaneously pack lunches, do JieJie's hair, help Second GuhGaw change out of his one-piece pajamas and yell at Big GuhGaw for the 10 millionth time to go brush his teeth all while holding you with one arm because you are awake and will cry if I leave you in the bassinet. And then there are the times when I am in a room with all four of you and all four of you are fighting for my attention and crying/talking over each other and I'm thinking, "There are so. Many. Kids."

I am definitely more tired now than I have ever been. There's so much to do for each kid and you wake up often during the night, so I am only sleeping for at most an hour here and there. But then I always remember that there was a time when I didn't know if I'd even be able to have children at all and that I also went through the heartache of losing a baby when it was in my belly for just eight weeks, so no matter how exhausted or stressed or annoyed I am, I am so unbelievably grateful to now have four healthy, beautiful kids. And I have loved getting to know my newest one over these past couple weeks. Here are some things about you:

- You make the cutest facial expressions while you sleep. It's so entertaining to watch you purse your lips, open and close your mouth like a guppy and wrinkle your forehead. My favorite, of course, is when you smile in your sleep. I know the smiles are just gassy smiles and not real smiles yet, but they are still the sweetest! (I do not like it, though, when you open your eyelids while you're sleeping and I see your eyes roll back into your head, as if you're having a seizure or being possessed by a demon).

- I love seeing the way you stretch your arms way above your head when I lay you down in your bassinet.

- You have such looong fingers. They resemble really miniature foong jiow, the chickens' feet dish we get at dim sum.

- You also have long toes.

- You tend to keep one eye open while you're feeding, as if you don't trust your surroundings and are on the lookout for something.

- You have really strong lungs, which is especially apparent during the diaper changes you hate so much and when I've left you in the bassinet or rocker by yourself too long and you are just not having it anymore! You cry so hard sometimes, you actually go silent for several seconds, which is simultaneously amusing and alarming. But even the angriest newborn cries are still super cute newborn cries!

- The low, even hum of the kitchen fan or clothes dryer often soothes you and makes you stop crying. Sadly, I cannot set up your bassinet in the kitchen or in front of the dryer overnight. I mean, I could, but I won't . . . although let's see how sleep-deprived I am in a few days!

Love,
Mom

First Bath

Dear Mackenzie,

Since your umbilical cord stump fell out last Friday, I was wondering this morning if I should give you your first bath today. Shortly after, you had your first poop blowout and while I was cleaning you up from that, you peed all over yourself. So then I thought, "Yeah, today is a good day for Mackenzie's first bath."

Like your siblings, you hated being in the bathtub and cried practically the entire time (this is why I have no photos of any of my babies' first baths). But now you are all clean and smell so yummy!

Love,
Mom

Sharp Objects

Dear Mackenzie,

I mentioned labor amnesia in my last post but I also get newborn nail amnesia--holy crap, I always forget how sharp baby nails are! Why are they so sharp?! Babies' hands always look so cute but all your nails feel like razor blades!

Love,
Mom

Happy Birth Day!

Dear Mackenzie,

I gave birth to all four of my kids during long holiday weekends: I went into labor with Big GuhGaw on Labor Day; JieJie came two days after Christmas; Second GuhGaw was born over the Memorial Day weekend; and you are my Veterans Day weekend baby. Welcome to the world, little girl! You are finally here! Your older siblings were all born before I was 37 weeks pregnant, so I thought you would be as well, but you stayed in my stomach the longest, for 38 weeks and 6 days. I guess you weren't in as much of a rush as the others!

What was a bit of a rush, though, was your delivery. Since you are my fourth baby, my doctor advised that when my water broke, you might "drop right out" of me. Um, yikes. So for the last couple weeks of my pregnancy, Daddy and I were a little on edge about when you would be arriving. The hospital is about 45 minutes away, without traffic, so if it was rush hour or my water broke at home, we probably wouldn't get there in time. We even asked PoiPoi to start sleeping over at our house so that we wouldn't have to worry about waking up all of your siblings and shuffling them into the car if I went into labor in the middle of the night.

Thankfully, the timing of your birth worked out perfectly (and I actually did end up going into labor in the middle of the night). On Saturday, November 9, I was jolted awake at 2:30am by an especially painful contraction. Then I had another really bad contraction at 3:30am and thought, "This is it." I woke Daddy up and we left the house around 4:45am. There were practically no other cars on the road so we reached the hospital pretty quickly, which was fortunate because my contractions had escalated from one an hour to one every 10 minutes. By the time we reached the registration desk in the Labor & Delivery ward, the contractions were coming back-to-back and when the doctor examined me in the exam room, I was already 9 cm dilated! My water hadn't broken, though, so when I gave the doctor the go-ahead, she broke it for me. And then the "fun" began.

I have serious labor amnesia because even though I have given birth multiple times, I really keep forgetting just how much having a baby HURTS.When I was in labor with Second GuhGaw, I specifically remember telling Daddy in the car on the way to the hospital that I didn't want anymore babies because ohmyGODithurtsoBADLY! Fast forward a few years and, well, that statement clearly didn't stick! I didn't get an epidural when I had JieJie and Second GuhGaw and I didn't get one with you, either (I could have but the doctor said that you would probably arrive before the drugs even kicked in), and ohmyGODithurtsoBADLY! Contractions cause such an intense physical pain and it's crazy that while you are going through said intense physical pain, the doctor and nurses are also telling you to hold both of your legs up in the air, not make any noise (if you scream, it takes away energy that you should be channeling toward your lady parts) and push a very large object out of a very not-large hole. I am really grateful that my labor is always so short--you arrived at 6:38am after two hours of close contractions and just three rounds of pushing. You weighed 7 pounds, 3.5 ounces, measured in at 19 1/4-inches long and were already opening both eyes soon after you were born!

It hurt so much when you were coming out but I forgot about the pain the instant the doctor said, "Meet your daughter!" and I opened my eyes and saw your beautiful face right in front of me (labor amnesia strikes again). When the nurse put you on top of my chest, you were so warm and sticky and perfect (even though you promptly peed on me). As with your siblings after I gave birth to them, I marveled at the fact that you, this tiny little person, had actually been growing inside my stomach. And now you're here and I can't stop staring in awe at your itty bitty everything; I mean, JieJie has dolls that are bigger than you are! You are absolutely amazing and Daddy and I already love you so much!

Love,
Mom